So this week I’ve not had much to do school-wise because most of my classmates were away for a basketball tournament and I was one of the few left behind.
This has been a bit of a blessing in disguise though, because I’ve had time to realize some new things about myself.
I enjoyed the day I took off of school where my mom and I took my little dog to a nearby nursing home to visit our friends (we hadn’t gotten up there for a while because of doctors’ visits for my headaches). I enjoyed my science teacher holding a mini home economics class and teaching a group of us girls how to sew (the teddy bear is in progress).
I enjoyed working with people, working with my hands, creating something new and bringing new things into peoples lives.
Though I have proficiencies in STEM and can enjoy them, do I really want to spend my whole life doing math and science when I could be serving people directly face to face?
Yes I understand that careers in STEM are very important and impactful, but for me it’s not the same as crouching on the dusty tan tiles of the nursing home and listening to someone tell me all their stories (sometimes for the 4th or 5th time!), or telling all the sweet elderly ladies who got all dolled up for the annual ball how beautiful they are!
It’s not the same as creating something that I can be proud of, even if the only thing to appreciate is progress.
So what’s the catch? Where does the “but” come in?
How do I base my life around sewing, crocheting, and serving with a therapy dog?
How can I major in professional writing or get a masters of divinity when I could have more financial stability to better provide for myself or my future family in whatever context I need to?
I’ve thought my whole life that I would pick a good, money making career and would feel very comfortable and confident in my finances, but now I don’t know.
The other thing is, I see a lot of value in not following your passion when deciding a career path, because passions change and aren’t always fruitful. Passions can be hobbies funded by marketable skills used in jobs that provide well. But what does this mean for me?
These two ideas of picking the most profitable thing that I’m good at and getting great at it, and picking something I enjoy and hoping I’ll be able to squeeze a living out of it, are juxtaposed and so far seem irreconcilable to me!
Prayer, faith, and obedience.
I’m going to need a lot of that to get through this.