Direction Not Destination

For the past week I’ve been attending camp at Cedarville University for nursing. A little strange since I, you know, don’t want to be a nurse. The point of the week was mainly to look again at the college and experience what living there would be like (also I was still considering doing something medical or science-y when I signed up for the camp so nursing seemed like a good choice among the limited options).

While nursing isn’t something I’m called to, it was so special to spend time with people who have a confirmed calling to such a selfless career. Because of the compassionate nature of nursing most of the other attendees were full of grace and have grown to be dear friends. Looking back on it I think that even though I had to sit through long lectures about nursing and undergo some serious nausea during a pig dissection, I was surrounded with some of the kindest people as I struggled with discerning where God was leading me in relation to college.

As regular readers know, I’ve been directionless for a long time, never knowing how to respond to the question “What do you want to go to college for?” or “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Well everybody, I can happily say I’ve got myself a general direction. I have to admit I’m terrified to be putting this out for people to see, not only because it’s something so personal that I’ve struggled with for a long time, but also because I feel like once I put it out there then there’s no going back. I have to remind myself that the expression of a potential calling isn’t meant to chain me up but to free me. I can’t let myself be trapped by the opinions of others or the pressure to follow through when God is the One determining my path and not myself.

This is where I think God is pointing me to. Who knows if this is where I’ll end up but hey, take it up with God, it’s out of my hands.

Cedarville is my college. As of right now I’m going to apply there June of Junior year (about a year from now) and that’s it. Why would I apply somewhere else if God’s telling me exactly where I need to be?

Ministry is my calling. I don’t know anything else. All I know is that I’ve been given one life and I want to spend it never shutting up about Jesus. I don’t know what I’ll major in, I don’t know what my career will be, I don’t know if I’ll even be able to get there straight out of college or if I’ll have detours along the way.

This is what I know now. I have bad vision, I can’t see everything that’s going to come my way in the future. I don’t know whether or not I’ll think differently a week from now, a month from now, or two years from now because of new information or new leadings from the Lord. This is just the best I’ve got for now and it is more than enough for me.

My mom and I do a Bible study every summer and this year it’s S.H.A.P.E by Eric Rees, a book for “Finding and fulfilling your unique purpose for life.” Isn’t it interesting that we are both approaching the close of the parts of our lives that have been clearly revealed by God and set out before us? I finish my twelve years of mandatory school, she finishes her job as a hands on stay-at-home mom when I graduate. It’s open ended for both of us, so what a fitting study of how God has created and ordained us for serving Him with our spiritual gifts, heart, abilities, personality, and experiences.

It seems that already on week three of the study I’m finding that God has graciously provided for the life He has prepared for me. The spiritual gifts he gave to me when I was saved are perfectly tuned to my purpose in the body of Christ. It’s a good thing He knows what he’s doing with them though because I certainly don’t.

The Lord leads me step by step because I am blind to what’s ahead but he sees it all. He’s beginning to reveal His plan for me by showing my what gifts He’s given me and pointing me to a place where in two years I’ll continue the lifelong journey of stepping out into the unknown with faith not in my own strength, but in God’s mighty power. I can’t wait to see and experience the full life of service He has in store, whatever that entails.

 

Still overcoming,

Hannah

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